Under Crimson Rule eBook Zero Ehxe
Download As PDF : Under Crimson Rule eBook Zero Ehxe 
You know who I am, but you know nothing of me. All you know is the result. I am the homeless veteran who’s so tired of life he can’t hold out a cup for change. I am the one locked away in a padded room, unfit to even visit. I am the teenager who dons black before emptying a rifle on an unsuspecting playground. I am the woman found with slit wrists and a tear-soaked note.
My neighbors can only describe me as, 'Quiet, kept to himself, never bothered anybody.' They, much like you, never see it coming because they can’t fathom such a person existing, much less casting a shadow that could impact the sunshine in their own lives.
How can someone start as a happy, healthy little child and not turn out as a functional member of society?
The recipe for a schizophrenic, schizoid, bipolar, suicidal, PTSD suffering outcast is best described by one, by the very ones who have no voice in a wholesome world. We attempt to speak, but it’s so hard for you to understand us, and you have so little motivation to try, that we go unheard until we commit violence upon ourselves or others. Then, your outrage at our actions causes you to dismiss any message that we may leave in our wake.
So what can you do? HEAR ME NOW, before it’s too late. Spend time reading about one of the few mentally disturbed individuals who can explain the causes behind his divergence. Maybe then you can recognize the signs and symptoms in those around you, or have some compassion when the unthinkable inevitable ultimately happens.
I will take you on a tour of my own confidential ‘Do Not Disturb Room’- a dark place filled with obsidian cages containing hideous creatures waiting to snatch up and drag into my own hell anyone that gets too close. I will start at my early innocence, and, with every secret perversion I reveal, you will understand more about the subsequent monster that I became. This door has been locked tight for 30 years now, and, as you read, it will quickly become evident why. Nobody should have need of such a place, much less deserve one so full.
Be warned that my story is not one for someone seeking inspiration. It doesn’t begin with minor inconveniences only to end in triumph when unicorns whisk me away to Whimsyshire where all of my tortured memories are erased and replaced with rainbows and glitter. It’s a story about a man who wakes up everyday asking if it’s a good day to die and who to take with him. This book is intended for individuals who relate to such inconceivable thoughts, or those who can’t, but want to undertake such a daunting endeavor as understanding us.
To the former know that you are not alone in this. You are not normal. Ordinary people will never decipher you, and you have every right to feel the unique loneliness intrinsic to your circumstance. But I, and others, do share it with you. I hope that by telling my story you feel deep down that someone can relate. Something is broken within us, something that will always be wrong, no matter what everyone else says, no matter how many times the healthy people tell us we can ‘get over’ this sickness. Don’t waste any energy detesting them for not empathizing when we can’t expect them to.
Even for those of us who are too far gone to have any hope of living salubriously, we have some power as long as we’re still alive. I encourage you to use that power to share your story with someone else who needs it, before it’s too late for either of you.
To the latter your first instinct may be to regard my story as apocryphal. Naturally, you won’t want to believe everything you read about my life. Denial is a normal coping mechanism. Just pretend my autobiography is a fantasy novel, and keep in mind that, when things become too gruesome, you have a luxury I never did- you can make it stop at any time. Close your eyes, curl up tight, and pretend that my entire life is a lie.
That’s what it takes to make it through sometimes.
Under Crimson Rule eBook Zero Ehxe
I'm giving it four stars because, while the writing is very well done, the content is not for everyone. I wouldn't want someone grabbing this book just because it has five stars without knowing what this is about. I could not read this book in large chunks until the end. The first half will tear you up if you have any decency in you at all. Graphic at times, but not for the sake of being graphic, it pulls you in and fills you with darkness. For me it was the knowledge that the author survived that kept me reading. That was the light at the end of the tunnel that allowed me to follow him into his personal darkness and share his childhood with him.I learned a lot about mental illness and what it means to live with it from reading this. I have known people with forms of mental illness but never knew them in that illness as well as I feel I now know the author. I certainly feel I have gained a better understanding and more compassion for the abused as well as a greater hatred for the abusers.
I must caution the reader, as the author himself does, that this book is not for everyone and not an easy read. The writing itself is easy to read, but the content is hard to stomach and the detail, which is warranted, can be tough to stomach. I had to be clinical at times and as I have stated, I had to read it in bursts to not get overwhelmed.
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Under Crimson Rule eBook Zero Ehxe Reviews
The author of this autobiography invites his readers not to be entertained but to be educated on signs of torture, sexual abuse, and manipulation in the home. To the outside, his family appeared to be normal. He invites you into a deep dark cave and shares his hurt and struggles on a daily basis. Zero is truly compassionate and has a love for animal and people. It took courage to pen this and hopefully some healing can began.
I would highly recommend this book. I couldn't put it down.
This is a hard read in many ways. It is well written and well edited but it is graphic and depicts some truly horrific events. It is gripping but then you also do not want to know how much more horror this one person can endure.
The author says in the preface that he wants to give people an infrequently seen view into the mind of the mentally ill. This is a book intended to raise awareness to the reality of mental illness, the triggers and the outcomes.
I would not recommend this book for everyone. However, if you work in public service or the mental health field, I think this book provides a rare glimpse into the processes of the client. This is not the story complied and cleaned up for the therapy suite but the meandering thoughts that have to be attacked getting to the sanitized version of life.
This book is not for everyone, but for those drawn to it; I do think you will find its value.
This book is a tough read. It grabs you from the beginning. It will have you screaming, yelling, crying and feeling every emotion you have ever felt and then some.
Sexual abuse is way too common. From experience I can tell you it will leave an imprint for life. I can also tell you that when it isn't actually happening to you, it is hard to see. And for that I will forever be feeling some guilt.
You only get one chance at life and some choices are better than others. Some chances pay off and some do not. Please read this book with an open mind and open heart. Take from it what you need to heal yourself or help someone in your life that you might now realize needs it. Life might not always feel like it is worth living. Please seek out someone. Whether you think it or not, there is someone out there that cares for you and would be there for you through thick and thin.
I'm giving it four stars because, while the writing is very well done, the content is not for everyone. I wouldn't want someone grabbing this book just because it has five stars without knowing what this is about. I could not read this book in large chunks until the end. The first half will tear you up if you have any decency in you at all. Graphic at times, but not for the sake of being graphic, it pulls you in and fills you with darkness. For me it was the knowledge that the author survived that kept me reading. That was the light at the end of the tunnel that allowed me to follow him into his personal darkness and share his childhood with him.
I learned a lot about mental illness and what it means to live with it from reading this. I have known people with forms of mental illness but never knew them in that illness as well as I feel I now know the author. I certainly feel I have gained a better understanding and more compassion for the abused as well as a greater hatred for the abusers.
I must caution the reader, as the author himself does, that this book is not for everyone and not an easy read. The writing itself is easy to read, but the content is hard to stomach and the detail, which is warranted, can be tough to stomach. I had to be clinical at times and as I have stated, I had to read it in bursts to not get overwhelmed.
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